A lot of people who have low self-confidence, traumatic pasts, or are just kind of awkward socially struggle sexually. In a relationship, it can be difficult for partners to open up about their sexual desires if they come from repressive or abusive pasts – or even if they are just shy about talking about it. I think the key in these situations is to work towards open and honest communication about sex even when it’s hard.

I believe that if you have a desire for good sex and you love the person you are with, you can learn to have good sex with them, but only if both partners are willing to spend the time and attention learning how to please one another. It’s definitely a bigger challenge than if you are 100% sexually compatible, but honestly… is anyone 100% sexually compatible? I’d say that my husband and I are pretty damn close and still have slightly different fetishes and desires that the other has learned to be open to, ya know? The good news is that as we’ve explored these desires together, we’ve actually both found new things we enjoy. Sometimes we try something and don’t love it, but usually it ends up being an enjoyable experience for both of us.

This is the true nature of “spicing things up” – openly communicating your desires as they arise (not gonna lie, as someone from a repressive and traumatic past, this is really hard), being open to your partner’s desires even when they aren’t specifically something you would seek out on your own, and eventually learning the new things you enjoy doing together. You may not like everything they like, but you’ll probably be surprised at some of the things they are into that you end up loving!